Lord Gammonshire's Guide to Everyday Sounds

by Lord Gammonshire

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about

Lord Gammonshire's Guide to Everyday Sounds documents the strange hinterland of half remembered dreams, tedious office work and the delirium induced when being stung by wasps. Along the way we encounter giant killer herons, screaming vegetables, humankind reduced to a seething algal bloom and a featureless drone beavering away in the Uncivil Service. Musically indebted to the 2 great M s of the early 70 s (Moog and Mellotron), and to the playful inventiveness of the bands of that era (Stackridge/Caravan / Kevin Ayres / 10cc / Viv Stanshall), the album is none the less no simple retro-pastiche, but rather a celebration of the possibilities in sound and subject matter that seemed to exist in that era. Veering from wry-observational pop nous (Summer Smash / Uncivil Servant) through rollicking sea shanties (Rise of the Stromatolites), full on progressive rock (Tundra /Barlain Forest) to eccentric ditties (Brie Before Bedtime / Thistles on yer Tootsies), The album offers humour, but not to the expense of the musical journey, so why not clear out yer lugoles and take a listen to some Everyday Sounds

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released June 15, 2009

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Lord Gammonshire Bristol, UK

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Track Name: Everyday Sounds
Everyday sounds, everyday sounds,
Hear them everyday,
Everyday sounds, everyday sounds,
Strange in every way.

Seagulls circling in the clear blue sky,
Toothbrush bristling on your gums so dry,
Milkman clanking on his daily round,
Not as common now, not an everyday sound,

Everyday sounds, everyday sounds,
Hear them everyday,
Everyday sounds, everyday sounds,
Strange in every way.

Clapped out car backfiring up my steet,
Click-clack on the pavement go a pair of feet
Supermarket trolley with a squeaking wheel
Drunken bagpipers playing jigs and reels

Bonfire crackle on an autumn night,
The demented cackle of the water sprite,
Kids recorders play a barcarole,
Vegetables screaming from the salad bowl
Track Name: Thistles on yer Tootsies
Looking up to the blue sky, I see your face,
Crying a tear on a grey cloud,
Condensing to a droplet, then the bubble bursts,
Fall in torrents to the ground.
Leaving, for a better place,
Falling away.

You’re the rainbow of the trout on the river bed,
When I dangle in my hook,
Wriggling together in all nasty types of weather,
Spawning like salmon in the brook.
Leaving, for a better place,
Swimming away.

So come dance amongst the roses darling won’t you?
Skip and reel amongst the daisies,
Come waltz among the hogweed dosey doe,
Watch out for thistles on yer tootsies
Dancing away to a better place, leaving today,
Leaving today for a better place, dancing away.
Track Name: The Uncivil Servant
Tap, tap, tapping, tap, tapping, tap, tapping away,
At my keyboard,
Working right through the sunshine of the day,
Don’tcha feel small?
Input figures, print twenty, fax memo.
Uncivil servant, I can terminate your contract,
(From my) ergo adjusted, blue foam upholstered,
Desk bound chair.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, ticking away,
Go the seconds,
Working as the flicker of the screen drives you insane,
Don’tcha feel bored?
E-mail, Excel, phone call, my hell,
Uncivil servant in a 4x6 work cell,
Underpaid, overused, waste of space excuse for a job.

They think I have an attitude, ‘cos I don’t give a…
…ffffff…func keys……
About our logo,
Mention ‘strategic direction’ my brain will give up,
I’ll dance flamenco,
Across the desk with glee, files and copies sailing,
Waltz through the door, won’t catch me complaining,
Late at night, lottery win, waste of space excuse for a dream

How I’d wish to frolic in the fields like a pretty little lamb

Cog in the machine,
For the scheme for full employment,
You’re a cog in the machine,
For the wheel of the world of employment,
A sprocket or a spring,
Oiling the wheels of employment,
You know ‘clear blue sky thinking’ can win!
Keep an eye on ‘horizon scanning’

Working for the man, he know what is right for you and me,
Lucky blighter,
Keep your head down, by the time you’re 63,
You really might just,
Move up to a higher place, an extra gig of hard disk space,
To Google with, or do just how you please.

You please me, please be civil to me,
Office monkey, office monkey,
Shall I beat my chest like a baboon?
Or shall I just stack these papers very tidily, and put them through the photocopying machine?
Track Name: Summer Smash
Gonna write a pop hit, a real summer smash,
Number one record for you,
About girls on swings, and Burberry bling,
As I sip my cocktail by the pool.

It’s going to be a pop smash, pop smash, summer smash,
Pop smash, pop (on Radio 2)
Pop smash, pop smash, summer smash,
For smash get popped.

Lazing in the park with a six pack of glug,
And a dog on string that’s real rude,
I’ve got wasps in my beer,
I’ve got wasps in my beard
And they sting me as I’m singing this tune.

It’s going to be a pop smash, pop smash, summer smash,
Pop smash, pop (on Radio 2)
Pop smash, pop smash, summer smash,
For smash get popped.

Come rain fall down….

I can’t stand that feeling of summer,
Why can’t the leaves just fall from the trees?

See that girl? She’s real fine in her kinky boots,
Sucking on a strawberry split
Will she come for a ride in my ‘pimped up ride’ ?
If she hears my top summer hit

It’s going to be a pop smash, pop smash, summer smash,
Pop smash, pop (on Radio 2)
Pop smash, pop smash, summer smash,
For smash get popped. (I’ll sing it for you)

Come rain fall down….
Track Name: Big Red Book of Dreams
I just don’t know what will fall out, of my big red book of dreams,
Medieval guards, supernova stars,
They all dwell there it seems,
Do we go there for real, when we are fast asleep?
Visiting these far off lands, when we should be counting sheep.

I like it when I grow wings,
And sail into the blue,
Or go river sailing,
In my rocket powered canoe

These things I see when my eyes are closed,
Entertain the rooks and crows,
That are gathered on my window ledge tonight

I just don’t know what will fall out, of my big red book of dreams,
I’m in a fix, giraffe is eating chips,
I don’t know what that means.
Seventeen saintly steel riders are crawling up my knees,
Digging all their boot heels in, causing me disease.

I strolled forth amongst the dunes, with rushes all around,
Buried in the sand, a heron guards the ground,
With two flaps of his giant wings, twice the size of a man,
He took me in his beak and took off above the land, I cried no, no, no, no

These things I see when my eyes are closed,
Entertain the rooks and crows,
That are gathered on my window ledge tonight

I just don’t know what will fall out,
Of my big red book, my big red book of dreams

Was it you that fell out?
Of my big red book of dreams.
Track Name: The Barlain Forest
Life was easy in the Land of Barlain,
Sat beneath the champagne florets, we caught the rain,
Sixty shoals of shiny sturgeon, swam round our feet,
Nibbling at our sunburnt toes for something to eat,
All the drunk and lazy poets, sung out their rhymes,
In the dark and dripping forest, we passed our time,
And we cried out to the moon that night, as it started to fall,
By the time that it got light, we knew we’d lose it all.

Climbing over yonder mountains,
Illuminate the sacred fountain,
Rise from your slumber quickly and face the day,
Cornelius (a scout) is searching,
For discordant beasts and urchins,
A menacing presence pressing upon your mind.

Alone in the craggy hollow,
Cornelius dares to follow,
The ominous constant droning beneath his feet,
Takes a little trip and tumble,
Through thickets of Barlain jungle,
Finds himself staring at the Kookerass.

Fast asleep in death’s cold grip,
Cloven hooves dance to Satan’s cruel whip,
Requiem for the warmth of the sun,
Funeral mass to a clattering drum

Blood clotted to stone, worm rotted to bone,
Beggars both belief, soon outgrown,
Beast is not aware, benevolence repaired,
Diabolic, catastrophic, apocalyptic…
Track Name: Rise of The Stromatolites
Could we all emulsify?
Bubble down and liquefy,
Awash in foam and fizz upon the cold and bitter ocean.
Would we all congeal as one,
Just like a giant ball of gum,
To swamp the cruel and evil ones on the cold and bitter ocean

I’m sinking, you are sinking, down into the froth,
Passing by the hermit crab, jellyfish, octopus

Form a human algal bloom,
Fill the world with sweet perfume,
Overpower this tired world view on the cold and bitter ocean,
Take out the plug of your kitchen sink,
Spiral on downwards into the drink,
Throw me a line or your old fishing net into the cold and bitter ocean.

I’m sinking, you are sinking, down into the froth,
Passing by the hermit crab, jellyfish, octopus